Dark Gray, Almost Black

Today was my second to last day of school, so I told a lie and left an hour early to go check out a seemingly fierce purple scarf at Globus (sadly it turned out to be viscous, and therefore a disappointment). School at this point is more or less a charade, teachers pretend to give class and the students pretend to study. It's to the point now, that next week, our last week, classes will be held in a local bar.

Lately, as I go for my walks around Luzern, I can't help but look at things more. I stare at the buildings, at the mountains, at the lake, trying to somehow take a picture with my mind to save for later. I love this city like I would an old friend. I have always felt some sort of personal bond, walking it's streets in the very early hours of the morning, taking side streets, sitting on it's lake, swimming in it's water. Never in my life have I felt such a close connection to a place, and at the same time so distant from it's people.

I am seriously just treading here, with the blog, with The Bake-Off, with life. I'm grinding it out and my mind is decaying a bit more with each passing day. People keep saying that "it will all be over before I know it," but "I know it" right now, and it is far from over. All I know is that my heart is heavy with fear and anxiety, and I have absolutely no clue where the hell my life is going to be in six months, a fact that makes me sleepy and wanting to crawl under my goose-down covers and hide until the dust settles. I wish I could put a finger on when I became such a pussy, but I am too exhausted to even think back that far.

Good news, the number of hits on the blog are up. Bad news, the blog is deteriorating at the same pace my mind is.