Sniffles

I have a cold. I canceled a dinner date that I was actually looking forward to, and now find myself sitting on my desk chair, my face glowing in the glare of my beloved laptop.

I remember a time, a long, long time ago, when I use to actually go out on Saturday nights. You know, get dressed up, pick-out the fro, put on some "gold," slip into some heels and go out. Time passed though, I packed my party clothes away in a suitcase and only put on my heels when I vacuum. I mentioned I went out Wednesday night, and although I had a nice time, I was glad and eager to come back to the solitude my apartment affords. I like changing into a beater and cardigan, slip into my favorite slippers and smoke my pipe, it makes me feel like one of my literary heroes, Sherlock Holmes. The problem is, I can't figure out if spending all my time alone, which I kind of really like, is healthy or not. I think it some times it just feels like it's easier to be alone because at least then I can just be who I am and not have to worry about not being liked. I don't know. I just feel safer alone at the moment then I do around people. I shouldn't be saying this in the blog, it's the Nyquil talking.

Tonight's Highlight:

"...being lost is never a matter of not knowing where you are; it's a matter of not knowing where you aren't-and I don't care at all about where I'm not."

The Phantom Tollbooth, Norton Juster
(Yellow highlighter: thick line)

Where Are We? Lugano.

All I got is a highlight tonight, but it's a good one and is taped on the wall right in front of my face. Actually it was a highlight sent in by a reader, but if I would have ever read this book, I would have highlighted it. Don't judge the source.

Tonight's Highlight:

"Consider it a great joy whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing."

The Bible, God

Angry Gnomes

I love having Thursdays off. There is something so nice about taking a day off right before the weekend. My alarm went off at seven this morning due to an early appointment at the Chiropractor's. Why do Swiss doctors always make you take off you clothes, while they watch? I really wasn't expecting to have to get naked at the Chiropractors this morning, but once again I found myself listening to the doctor go on and on about a trip she took to California eight teen years ago while sitting topless in front of her. Not to mention, my back hurts more now then before, I can barely sit in my beloved green desk chair for more then fifteen minutes before it feels like angry gnomes are stabbing me in the lower back with dessert forks. The only good that came from the whole thing was that now at least I can say I had my back checked out.

The rest of the day was spent drinking coffee on the lake while thinking how good life can be, cleaning, washing sheets and socks, and checking out the new spring merchandise in the stores. It was a good day.

If you could go anywhere in the world tomorrow for three days, where would it be?

Tonight's Highlight:

"In the past I'd led with my heart, displayed my desperation like a badge of honor. I'd thought I was being honest, but I'd been a sucker. This time around, I vowed, I'd be cool."

The Tender Bar, J.R. Moehringer
(Orange Highlighter: Thick line, five dots)

That's Not My Drink

I just went out for a drink for the first time in months. I ordered a Vodka Fizz, a drink that modestly consists of VODKA, lemon, and soda water. Not too hard right? I have never sent a drink back in my life, it's not my style, but when you serve me vodka and lemon juice in a dirty and chipped martini glass, with flat soda water on the side, well, you better cup your balls, because I will be coming for you. So I went up to the bar and flashed my gums and said, in absolutely the most apologetic way ever (because actually, I am a pussy when it comes down to actual confrontation), "I'm sorry, but this isn't my drink." The bartender said that it was and I pulled out the menu to show him that it wasn't. I even told him how to make it, and afterwards apologized again, saying I didn't want to be an asshole (yes, I said asshole), but that I wanted a Vodka Fizz. I could tell the guy I hated me from the moment I walked up to the bar with the drink in my hand, so I guess I should have not been surprised when he brought me another drink, and it turned out to be made with gin. I can't drink gin. Gin and I aren't friends, and haven't been since that Thursday night back in high school, when I was chugging gin from the bottle, cramming potato chips by the fistful into my mouth to get the taste out (I was left home alone a lot, and boredom always found a way to get me to hunch over a toilet bowl before bed). So I sat there with a motherfucking Gin Fizz (which I am sure they just dumped from one glass into another), and I wasn't about to take it back. I sat there, enjoyed the company, and left no tip. I can imagine the ending of that long tirade was a bit lack-luster, but it was my first night out in months. Give me time.

Here it is, second night in a row!

Tonight's Highlight:

"My beans are locked tight in the cupboard, and I've misplaced the key."

Chicken: Love for Sale on the Streets of Hollywood, David Henry Sterry
(Yellow highlighter: thick line)

Kick-Ass Tuesday

I woke up this morning feeling good about the day. Maybe "good" is an overstatement, so let's say better then I did on Monday. This morning I enjoyed a good hour long game of badminton with Big Dan, drank Starbucks for lunch, and received my grades, which kicked ass. I barely made a C average in high school, but leave it to me to be getting a B+ average in a language I never learned to read in. I know, I sound like an ass, but it feels good after years of living in shame with bad grades. The worst part though? I still don't study. I am actually getting good grades and still not working for them (If Dr.Sylvia reads this she is going to kill me). The good thing about these grades is that it pushes me to put a little effort into my work so I can rub perfect grades in my fellow classmate's faces. Oh, and I made fajitas for dinner tonight, complete with all the fixin's and made the meat mixture from scratch, spices and all. Talk about a kick-ass Tuesday.

If you know me well, and you should hope that you do, you should know that I highlight as I read. I always carry a highlighter in my purse, and if I am reading I usually have it in my hand or at my side. I won't use just any color, I like to stick to the orange, red, yellow highlighters, you will never see my books highlighted with blue or green. I have a system for highlighting degrees of importance and relativity, and special markings for how deeply I relate to the words or if they could be used for something in the future. Sometimes I highlight things that I don't understand, or don't understand but know I should, but mostly I highlight the things I can relate to, sound advice, or lessons learned. Memoirs are my favorite because they usually have the most to highlight, but every now and then I find a piece of fiction that never even gives me the chance to re-cap my pen.

So, from now on (or until I forget), I am going to end each blog with something I have highlighted. I have a whole bookcase behind me, and I will be randomly picking the highlights.

Tonight's Highlight:

"She could tell that I was zipping up the sleeping bag of myself, and I could tell that she didn't really love me."

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer
(Pink highlighter: thin line)

I Am A Standing Ovation

I just got back from Basel for the weekend. It was nice visiting my grandparents and spending Saturday afternoon hanging with Chung. My grandparents and Chung are the more or less the only two things that are real for me over here, or better said, they are all I have. So it was just a nice break from these last two weeks back in Luzern. Before I left Basel this morning I took a walk down to the Rhine and sat in the sun for an hour. It was awesome, and made me thankful the opportunity to have experienced it. Yes, some days I do wake-up to the awesome reality that I live in Europe.

I'm back in Luzern, and suffering from some crazy lower-back pain. There is sun outside my window and expansive blue skies, but it's cold outside. I can't wait for Spring and then Summer. I was given advice over breakfast, something about me staying a little while after my contract is up to travel Europe. I don't know. It would be cool, and I really have nothing to hurry home for. Amsterdam, Budapest, Vienna, St.Petersburg, Barcelona, and maybe Monaco again? Let me know who is up for it. I wouldn't be going on these trips alone. The Summer of The Blog. You know you're thinking about it...

Louboutin's and Cadillac's

I just put a fresh coat on my nails, so I am trying to type carefully. Today was lame. I worked until twelve and then went home and slept until two-thirty. I haven't been able to get more then four hours asleep a night, and caved into my need for a siesta. After the nap I showered and went for a walk and ended up buying some tights (it's getting colder). That was about the most exciting part of the day. It's now seven-thirty and I am pondering books on tape and a cup of mint tea. Seriously? I am almost dangerous with excitement and surprises.

As I was on my way home I was standing at a crosswalk, waiting for the light, when a man, dressed in business attire, lit a joint. I kid you not, he must have been late thirty's, shiny shoes, briefcase in one hand. I just stood there trying not to stare. I then realised that his joint gave off a distinct marijuana-tootsie roll sent. Seriously, it smelled like tootsie roll-weed. I love tootsie rolls, and took to walking behind the man for a couple blocks (we seemed to be walking in the same direction, I did not follow him). I wanted to be the female version of this man. Pencil skirt, a pair of Christian Louboutin's, and Zac Posen briefcase, and a tootsie roll joint. Dr. Sylvia always said it was good to have a goal.

I'm listening to some Cash tonight. Makes me think of Nashville, which makes me happy. I like to think about Cadillac's too, gold one's, with gold spoke rims. I've got to keep my mind busy, concentrate on the future and trying to look forward to moving home.

A Swiss friend of mine tried to convince me to stay after my apprenticeship last night. We met about four years ago and although we see each other only a couple times a year, I consider him a good friend. I tried to tell him that I don't have anything to stay for. That Chung will be fine without me, and that my time is just up. When I asked him what he thought I should stay for, he replied, for him.
I don't know what is up with all of this. I have been single for a little over a month and although in one sense it's totally flattering, and makes my ego feel a lot better, I'm just not sure what to do with any of this! Guys are coming out of the wood work, that I haven't talked to in months, wanting to meet up, and I'm finding myself not ready for any of it. And like I said, I won't deny that it feels good, but really, how flattering is it when you know that none of them are viable options? I don't want to complain, it's better then being treated like a leper. I'm just not there yet. What is going to prevent me from being totally wrong again? I'm happy where I am at the moment, I just hope I can hold on to the last of my guy friends over here without caving into a snuggle. It's hard being lady.

Listen to Kate Nash, I've got her on replay and she is AWESOME. Trust me, I'm usually right about this kind of thing. (Last year I told you to listen to Amy Winehouse and I was on the mark with that one!)

High-Quality Matte

I know this isn't going to come as a surprise, but I didn't go out last night. Instead I stayed in my apartment a stayed home and watched the Joe Schmoe Show and snuggled in to a couple Nyquil, it was great. I woke up this morning from an odd dream only to see something stranger on my laptop, I won't go into details.

I kept my plans with Chung and we got coffee and cake and then Starbucks (And yes, there is a difference between coffee, and Starbucks). It was great seeing Chung, it was nice to be able to just talk about stuff that I enjoy talking about, mainly fashion and stuff we want to buy, and trips we want to take. We talk a lot about our futures and where we want to be, and luckily we always end up together. Seeing Chung was like shiny sugar sprinkles on a cupcake, it left me walking home feeling loved a shiny. She's a good Homie, that Chung.

I am working on covering the wall behind my bed with pages from high-quality paper, urban-culture magazines from Germany. I have covered my kitchen cabinets, and my bathroom door, and after over a year of sitting and staring at the blank wall behind my bed, I decided it was time to make some magic happen. I don't know if it looks cool or like a mess, but considering I am the only one ever in here having to look at it, it doesn't matter much. There is just too much good art out there to leave a wall empty.

Today's Chung Shot: Chung offering you her half-eaten chestnut, isn't she sweet?

If Things Were Different, I Could Be Cool

It's Saturday night and I am sitting in my desk chair, debating on whether or not I should go out. In case you caught last night's blog, which I took down for a couple different reasons, I was suppose to get drinks tonight with a guy I know. I predicted that I would cancel, and I did. He wasn't excited about it, but I didn't worry about it, I have the right to break plans if I want to. A few minutes later and old friend of mine called to invite me out with her and her friend for a girls night out. So that's where I am at now, trying to figure out what's better, to go through my party clothes and go out, or to watch a DVD, take a Nyquil, and call it a night.

The more I think about it the more I start to realize how much I cut myself out of the social-scene in Luzern, not to say I was ever a part of it, definitely not, but at least before, when Skipper was here, I actually saw people. Now I find myself coming home from work and staying in my apartment until my next shift. I constantly break plans, Chung being the only person I am actually seeing outside of work since I have been back from California. I have NO INTEREST in going out, being around people, getting dressed up, drinking, and going out into the cold. On the other hand, I can't help but worry that I am totally crippling myself, and that it would probably be good for me to just go out and be twenty-five. Why can't it be cool to just want to stay home and watch documentaries in you favorite sweater, eating a nice pork fillet and side salad, going to bed early, listening to books on tape? I would be the coolest girl out there if only society wasn't so wasted. When it all comes down to it though, the main reason I haven't gone out in over four months has been Skipper's absence. Without Skipper, the photo shoots, Cola Light, Nupro, Backgammon, country potatoes, and the balcony, going out to the bars seems pointless. Not to mention I don't want to spend all of Sunday hungover and hating the world.

The thing that bothers me the most, is that spending so much time alone gives me very little inspiration to blog. I have nothing to pull from anymore. The things I think about aren't things that would be worth blogging about. I have Blogger's Block, and I am not sure how shake it. I don't know, but the closer it moves to Spring, the more and more I feel the loss of Skipper and the more noticeable her absence becomes in every blog.

What I'm saying is, although I am extremly hopeful for this new year, I can't help but feel a bit conflicted and lost at the moment. Right now I am just hoping for a window.

Stand Aside

I've been back in Luzern for a couple days now, but only now find myself with the time to type.

New Years was fine, as was my birthday. I boycotted New Year's Eve, and went to bed at eight-thirty, in the evening. Yes, and I am not ashamed of it either. New Year's Eve reminds me of prom, all build-up and all disappointment. So, I slept right through the disappointment and spent my 25th birthday watching America's New Top Model, and going to the movies and dinner with family. It was fine, and as Dr.Sylvia mentioned, numeral times, I am now a quarter of a century old. Woo-hoo.

As much as 2008 holds a shit-load of challenges for me (my final exams, moving back to California, finding a job, living with my parents.), I am actually feeling pretty good about starting this year. I am single, learning a trade that I love and am actually good at, all my family and friends are healthy and alive, wear a large "gold" watch, have AMAZING hair, and live in Europe. So, as much as this year scares me a bit with all the changes it holds, and annoys me that there is so much work to be done, I'm thankful for what I have, and am ready to wrap this chapter up and start a new one. Watch out.

So, I wish everyone a golden 2008, it might just be epic.