Beware OF The C-Word

If you are a regular reader of this blog (or happened to read yesterday's post) you will most likely be aware of my beef with my boss' daughter. In previous blogs I had refereed to her as a "fat-ass bitch," or yesterday as a "heinous bitch," but none of those describe her true soul, so tonight I am giving credit where it is due, and I ask your pardon if this is offensive to some, but after the day I have had I could give a fuck about pretty much anything, the girl is a straight up CUNT (really, I am sorry to have to go there, but I believe that credit is due).

I dreaded going into work today for a couple reasons, mainly just for the fact that no matter what I seem to do, no matter how nice or courteous I am, I am always treated as the bake-shop retarded. The morning went seemingly fine for me, over the weekend I had brutally/accidentally cut DEEP slices into one of the stainless steel tables in the room where we make all of our chocolates, and I was more then worried that my boss had noticed and was going to tear me a new one. So the first thing I did after punching the time clock was go straight up to the man and apologize, even though he himself had not noticed. I figured it was the right thing to do, and although I have no respect or goodwill towards this man or his family, I fucked up, and felt that if nothing else my conscience would be a bit clearer. His reaction? He didn't even care, told me not to worry about it, and I went on with my work. As I walked home from lunch all I could think about was the fact that in three more hours I would have another day behind me. Oh how wrong and clueless I was.

Five minutes after my lunch break one of the sales girls from the front came back to give me a heads-up that my boss' daughter was angry with me and that she had over heard her saying to my boss', his wife and a co-worker, that she was going to "give me a piece of her mind" before I left for the day. I hate hearing shit like this, but I realize that it comes from working in an all female environment: that no matter what we gossip and thrive on drama. I however brew on information like that, practicing my argument before there is even an argument to be had, and I am almost constantly forming arguments against my boss' daughter (I really need to find her a nickname). Either way, I was more or less in pre-fight mode the rest of my afternoon, figuring that we would talk after work, I would most likely have to apologize for some sort of something I didn't do and would go home and study. Again, what an idiot I was.

I'm not exactly sure how it happened, I think it started with talk of sandwiches, but at some point she got extremely condescending, berated me for not having written something on my to-do list, I responded with "I know you want to fight with me right now, but I am not going to play along," and then she began to bitch me out in a more or less "yelling" volume. At that point I once again said I wasn't going to "play along," tried to walk around her and it was then that she put her hand on my shoulder to try to prevent me for moving. I should note that she didn't push me or use any real force, but she did try to prevent me from moving by putting her hands on me. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE. It was at that point that I started shaking and told her to never touch me again, that if she wanted to argue the fine, but she better keep her hands off me. Then the fight began. Look, I am not going to play innocent, we all know I am not, but never in my life have I been so provoked outside of my family. I couldn't even say anything, she just kept going and going and going. For the third time I told her that I wasn't going to partake in the fight, that there was no point, she is more or less my boss (to which she replied "I AM your boss") and finally I told her that I wasn't going to discuss anything further until tomorrow, because I wasn't in the right state to be saying anything I wouldn't come to regret. She however insisted, in fact demanded, that I stick around. I just stood there, trying to keep my fury in while she continued to provoke me yelling "answer me when I am talking to you!" in regards to why she gives me practice time during work hours, my hands visibly shaking, hoping that I could just keep myself under control and not say what I really wanted to, which was "You are nothing, and if it weren't for the fact that you are the boss' daughter you would be even less, in fact I wouldn't even acknowledge you as a living being."

I am not sure exactly when or even why I started to cry, but the moment the first tear fell I felt ashamed (not to mention a little pissed that all of a sudden I am turning into a crier). It was at that point that she softened and I gave up. What was the point? I couldn't win, if it would have been anyone else other then her I would have fucked her up badly with words, I would have made her cry and feel horrible about herself, probably to the point that she would have had to call her parents balling (kind of like what she did to me). But I didn't, instead I gave up, I took defeat and cried a bit more. By the end of the whole forty-five minute ordeal, with her mother and father walking past and witnessing the majority of the show-down, I apologized, repeatedly. I guess I figured that it was not just the only way to get out of the bake-shop and away from her, but that I had been stupid enough to fall for it, and had given her the last thing I would have ever intended, what she wanted. I apologized for talking to her the way that I had, that she was my "boss" and that I should have not forgotten "my place." I thanked her for all the time she has given me to practice for my bake-off, and that from now on I will try to work harder and faster and "show an interest in my work." She then made me shake hands that she in fact had not "pushed" or tried to prevent me from moving, and made me repeat it a couple times. I then came home and cried for two hours and then went to the store to buy a six-pack.

Never in the last ten years that I have worked have I ever had something like this happen, and whatever dread I was feeling towards going into work last night, has since multiplied by an insanely large number. No matter how in the wrong I feel she might have been, it doesn't matter, it's her word against mine, and at work my word doesn't mean shit. I feel like a pussy having stepped down and apologized, but know that that's just the way they do things in Switzerland. She is my boss, I am an apprentice, and therefore I am nothing more then cheap labor with little to no rights. The only way out was to give her what she wanted, and for the sake of my Bake-Off I gave it to her, yet another sacrifice I have made for this trade (I realize that rhymes).

A huge part of me is embarrassed, ashamed, pissed and disappointed. Embarrassed because I cried and obviously didn't act like the bad-ass that I always try and make myself out to be. Ashamed because I should have known better to attempt to reason with someone like her. Pissed, well that's not hard to figure out. And disappointed because it seems that The Wall still stands.Dr. Sylvia said I was being to hard on myself, but I don't see it that way.

I have no idea how tomorrow is going to go. At this moment in time I feel done with the whole Bake-Off and being here. It just doesn't seem like it's worth having to go through this much shit for, to cry over, to fight over, to stress over, to anything thing over. I know that's not what anyone wants to hear, but it is definitely how I feel right now.

I am going to spell check this, but I am definitely not going to proof-read, not because of my mood, but because my sleeping pills and beers seem to have finally mixed and I am starting to doze.

I would also like to request (not like it's even necessary) that no one leaves comments on this post. I needed to post this so that I don't have to re-tell today, but can just send people the link.

Also, I would like to send an apology out to Dr. Sylvia, I might have let some of my frustration and upset out on her and she didn't deserve it. Mom, I am sorry, and I love you.

Ok, I'm off to bed.