Treading

I am overwhelmed. Every Tuesday I come home from school with the feeling that I got in way over my head with trying to accomplish this apprenticeship. I had to give a presentation on 2008's Spring/Summer fashion trends, it had to be fifteen minutes, and all in German with a PowerPoint presentation. I don't speak High German, I speak a Swiss dialect, which isn't really written and can't really be read, or at least I can't. I more or less had to have a good idea what I was going to say and wing it the best I could with the German I can. The presentation went fine, although I did forget the majority of what I was suppose to say. I know I am going to get through these next three months one way or the other, but my body is filled with dread and fear at the moment, and it's making me go crazy. I am trying to suck it up and just push through, to not waste my final months here not wanting to be here, but I'm having a hard time of it at the moment. I keep trying to find the right way to go about the challenges I am facing, but I haven't found a way yet, it's like walking into walls with my eyes open. We only have one chance to live life, I have only one chance to take these exams and only one chance to leave Switzerland the person I came here to become, I don't want to fuck this up.

I'm giving up the herb by this weekend, it's not something I want to do, but I didn't come this far to blow it on the haze. Doing the right thing sometimes really fucking sucks.