Seriously?

Skipper says she wants a blog, but I am not feeling much of anything this week, so I can't promise you any gold. I just spent the last hour writing a blog that I just now deleted. It's been like this all week. I have been trying to write the same blog over and over, but for some reason it just doesn't come out right and I find myself trying to find the words. Nothing feels real at the moment. It's just work. The only people I see during the week are my co-workers and I am REALLY starting to hate them, even the ones I like. I guess it's just like that the closer you get to the end. I know I say it a lot, but it's time for me to go.

A good friend tried to hurt me last weekend. It sucks when friends want to hurt you, they are the only ones that really know how. I was hit low, but even if I was hurt I wouldn't admit it, not even to myself. After the words were said, I kept getting asked if I was hurt and I kept saying "no." At this point, when it comes to matters of the heart, I can't feel a whole lot. I was told by my friend that they could never love me as a girlfriend. I hadn't asked if they could, but they had wanted to pay me back for never having responded to hints about the prospect of us dating. We ended up leaving on good terms, he's moving to Paris and we won't see each other before I move back, but it was only due to four vodka-sours on an empty stomach.

Being told something like that doesn't have to hurt to stick. It just sucks when it's an old friend that says something like that, especially when I hadn't even put myself out there to be rejected. I try to avoid rejection at all costs, it's one of the reasons I don't leave my apartment and didn't talk to the guy at the ATM. The whole thing effected my week and seeing as how it was the last time we were going to see each other for a good while, it just left me feeling like I got played. My friend was looking for drama, but I was just looking for a good drink.

I still have nothing to really complain about though, but I am starting to feel like I am choking on my life. This is what happens when you have no life. You better get ready though because when I get back to California, things are going to change...

What an idiot thing to say, "I could never love you as a girlfriend." He's going to regret that one, I am not even solid gold yet.

Sorry, no highlight tonight.