Tick-Tock

I have been home for almost a week now, and have been nothing short of busy. I don't know why it always needs to feel like I am racing the clock when I come home, or why I always feel so goddamn anxious, but I guess it's just the price I make myself pay for coming home.

Christmas was great, seeing everyone and playing Catch Phrase, it was a really solid holiday and I am really glad I didn't have to spend it alone. I think that's probably the thing that I have lost sight of over the last week, I have not had to be alone. The problem is there is also a certain level of alone time that I need to have in order to stay semi-normal. With all the visits and trips I haven't been able to really eat and have even only been able to sleep the last couple nights. I know it all sounds like complaining, but it's not, I am over joyed to be spending my vacation here, I think it's just the context of my visit that sometimes makes me feel a bit gray.

I think what it all comes down to is that "home," no longer feels like home. It feels like pulling at straws to stay afloat and get everything done and see everyone before I have to go back to the airport. Counting days, planning, praying that days will pass a little slower, all of that, I hate it. If I was able to relax, and just be on vacation I would be so happy, but I don't think it is even in me to do that. To just chill and let things be what they are.

This is the true definition of mind vomit, and am really only writing this so poor ol' Chung doesn't feel out of the loop.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas, and a great New Year to come.

I'm on vacation, this isn't proof read.